Unexpected Secrets for a Happy Marriage

Unexpected Secrets for a Happy Marriage

Tom and I celebrated our 45th anniversary last Saturday. For a long time we hardly celebrated our anniversaries, which isn’t very smart. Because if we don’t celebrate our successes and acknowledge them, we diminish them. That’s one of the secrets for a happy marriage: celebrate!

Being together for such a long time and still being curious about each other and love and respecting each other can be marked as quite an accomplishment.

This year was special, because we had to deal with a Fase 1 Flexibilizada lockdown and its restrictions. We used to eat out on our wedding anniversary day, but during the lockdown the restaurants are partly closed. They are only allowed to open the terrace, not the inside, and we don’t want to be on the terrace with smokers all around us.

We did go out though – we went to the bakery for bread and en passant we took tea with cake in a corner.

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What is the Meaning of a Personal Legacy? Being remembered for . . .

What is the Meaning of a Personal Legacy?

In the past I have been a caregiver. The last 10 years of my father’s life for both my parents. And after his passing another 10 years for my mother. The periods after their deaths were intensive times of reflection. 

What is the meaning of a personal legacy? What do I remember most about my parents? And as a consequence: what do I want to be remembered for later?

We probably all want to be remembered for great deeds, but are we actually setting anything in motion that indeed is great? How big are our dreams and what efforts do we take to accomplish them?

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How to organize neighborhood care?

How to organize neighborhood care - shopping together

Neighborhood care is booming in The Netherlands and Germany. More and more citizens participate in social networks in their neighborhoods to ensure care support. Such shared support compensates for the rise of social, physical, psychological and cognitive shortcomings when aging. Neighborhood care is a clever choice when aging.

With this type of self-organization citizens compensate for the shortcomings of aging and for the shortcomings of public and commercial care services. Particularly given the current health crisis, these initiatives are more than welcome. However, how do you organize neighborhood care?

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Review: The two defining Moments of Raymond Chandler

Review: The two defining moments of Raymond Chandler

The two defining moments of Raymond Chandler are the encounter with his muse and his invention of the private eye Philip Marlowe. Pearl (Cissy) Eugenie Hurlburt was the stepmother of Chandler’s First World War companion Gordon Pascal. During the thirty years Cissy and Chandler were together he was utterly devoted to her.

His next defining moment was his invention of Philip Marlowe. Marlowe featured as the protagonist in the 7 novels Raymond Chandler wrote. Moreover, Marlowe made him very rich and very famous. Raymond Chandler published his first novel, featuring Philip Marlowe, in 1939 at the age of 50, and the last one in 1958, a year before he died at the age of 70.

Late in 1944 Raymond Chandler portrayed the core of his writing skills as follows: “Thinking in terms of ideas destroys the ability to think in terms of emotions and sensations.”

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Effective Communication between Couples, Young or Aging

Effective Communication between Couples, Young or Aging

I guess everybody does it; sitting on a terrace and watching other people’s behavior? I love it, especially when something happens of which you know the outcome before it occurs. 🙂

I knew when I heard the elderly couple arguing about which way to go, he would have it his way and she would be right in the end. So she reluctantly followed him and after 100 meter plus another argument they turned around and passed us again going in the opposite direction. 

It wasn’t a very effective communication between couples. He didn’t want to listen to her and was only focused on having it his way. She was obviously not capable of talking to him in a way that would convince him without giving him the idea he was stupid.

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To prevent health risks you need your social circle

To prevent health risks you need your social circle

When you’re aging and want to prevent health risks, you have to motivate your social circle as much as yourself. Even when you’re over 60, prevention of health risks pays off. However, such prevention does not come easy.

Prevention is a lifestyle intervention tool. For most of us our lifestyle is the consequence of a long and repetitive social process. That’s why it’s very hard to try to change your lifestyle on your own.

As much as yourself, you will have to motivate the social circles in which you participate. In this article I explain why, and offer some suggestions on how you can motivate your social circle to help you.

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Live Longer, Get your Body on the Move

Live Longer, Get your Body on the Move

Get your body on the move. It’s as if the older we get, the more we sit on the couch. Reading, watching TV, falling asleep. This attitude is addictive. More and more the body likes to sit on the couch

As with most addictions, it’s very hard to get rid of it. Prevention is actually the best way to try to avoid this risk. And yes, this means you have to change. And your body will disagree. 

When you start simple with one move or exercise and always reward yourself with some relaxation afterwards, you will notice that it will get easier in due time. This article gives a variety of suggestions that will support your efforts to get on the move. 

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How to find reliable information on the Internet?

How to find reliable information on the Internet?

Reliable information on the Internet is at the moment a much debated topic. Not the least on the Internet itself. This is quite rightly so.

There are all sorts of individuals, organizations, companies and governments on the Internet that only serve their own extremely limited concerns. How to deal with such devious sources? However, more importantly, where can you find reliable information on the Internet?

Rules of thumb

A couple of months ago I suggested some rules of thumb to judge the reliability of information on the Internet. From my explanation above you might have guessed why these rules are important.

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Keep an open mind: Challenge your experiences

Keep an open mind: Challenge your experiences

I first experienced the importance of an open mind when I started to listen to music. Radio-pirates transmitted the music I preferred from their boats off the coast. With the little transistor I got for my birthday I was able to tune in on them.

But how did I know I preferred the ‘pirate’ music over classical music from the state sanctioned post-war distribution radio? Through my friends. They shared their excitement with me. And through the newspaper I read every morning. 

Of course, I wanted to identify myself with my friends through the music they liked. I wanted to be part of our group. However, very early I noticed how important it is to keep an open mind. And not just for music. I will explain how I found out and learned to keep an open mind.

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How to make friends when you are older?

How to make friends when you are older?

Years ago, when all my friends were either occupied by working very hard or by doting on grandchildren and babysitting them, I was convinced I needed new friends. I was equally convinced it’s impossible to make friends when you are older!

Negative or limiting beliefs serve nobody. And being convinced it is not possible to do something is a sure guarantee I won’t be able to do it. Duh. I am so glad I was wrong, but I only realized this when I read some posts in one of the Facebook groups I am in.

This is a group with a lot of single or widowed women and the topic often is solitude and loneliness. And I do realize my position is privileged, because I am happily married. For 45 years, so I can in no way imagine how I would feel when I would be alone.

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